I feel so full of love right now. I have to say it. I really do. I am really feeling it in this moment.
That’s the thing about feelings and emotions. One moment you can feel utter pain and sadness and the next you can be filled with pure joy. We are always experiencing a constant state of change- so, the point is to embrace whatever you are feeling in the moment, feel it and then allow it to slip away. I think this is something that a lot of us (in this beautiful world) have a hard time managing. Experiencing emotions, processing emotions and letting go of emotions. It’s this whole idea of attachment and detachment. When you feel something so beautiful & joyful, why do you have to let it go?
The same can be said of pain. Some of us get so stuck in the comfort of a space of pain and sorrow- that it becomes a big struggle to remove ourselves out of it. This is something that has been referred to in the health and wellness circles as ‘victimization’. I used to be guilty of victimization. Back when I was really ill, suffering from the eating disorders- I became so accustomed to the pain I was feeling that it transformed into a friend of mine. So much so, that I would rather choose to wallow in my pain then get up and live through it. From time to time, I still get glimpses of the old patterns I gave my power to. The difference is, by choosing to detach from the feelings- I have allowed myself moments of awareness and clarity. The thing about pain, is that when you choose to face the fear and live- those feelings do pass and more often than not- a new beautiful sense of awareness, insight and empowerment are born.
I had my own experience with this over the past 2 days. I had a bad night on Sunday for several reasons- and woke up on Monday with a dark, gloomy cloud over my head. For a few moments, there was a clear battle- as I started to get wrapped up in my own struggle of resistance (resisting what I was feeling, feeling sorry for myself and trying to fight what was coming up). However, instead of crawling back into bed, cancelling my plans and calling it a day (at 10am)- I decided to witness the emotion as a feeling; a feeling that will pass, just as the others have.
My oh my, thank goodness I did. I am writing to you from one of the most beautiful spots in the world (in my humble opinion). One of my dear friends and inspiring teachers in life- Sherry Strong, invited me to come spend the night at her spectacular new home on Bowen Island, British Columbia. What a treat.
Not only has it been the most peaceful (and nourishing) 24 hours that I have experienced in a while- I feel re-inspired, balanced, grounded and loved. It’s funny how opportunities present themselves always at the right moment. Much like my trip to Portland & San Francisco [which I will write about soon, I promise]- spending time in beautiful British Columbia’s countryside (or island-side) right before I leave to Dubai is something I’ve been meaning to do. I was worried that I wouldn’t find the time to fit it in, but just like everything in life that is meant to happen- I found the time.
I continue to be so humbled and filled with gratitude by the people that are in my life. Sherry is no exception. Since meeting almost two years ago, Sherry has been a source of light, an empowering mentor and a gift in my journey of the rediscovery of a love for myself through food. Thank you for always being there for me Sherry- I look forward to the next time we meet somewhere equally as fabulous in this beautiful world. Lots and lots of love 🙂
I’ve continued to witness an old and impractical standard that I used to hold over myself, and still do from time to time. [If it’s not perfect, it’s not worth it. If I’m not perfect, I’m not worth it. If I don’t feel [and look] perfect, I shouldn’t be out, living]. What a destructive and unrealistic standard to hold onto. When I consciously notice this thought pattern re-emerge, I realize how silly it truly is. No one live their lives in complete ‘perfection’ in every moment. It’s impossible. This image of ‘perfection’ in itself, is an allusion.
So, here I am- on the BC ferry leaving Bowen Island, living in my imperfection. It’s not easy in every moment- some can be quite difficult to endure. However, I live in ease knowing that the sun will shine again, the rainbow will appear and this moment too shall pass.