Over the past 10 days, since launching my book to the world with a beautiful Launch Party here in Vancouver- I have been downloading some major insights into realising that this book, Living in Light, is something that I created through my own visions. Over the past 3 years, I have bought, picked up, held, heard of and read books and ebooks- all without realising that each time I was in the presence of a book- I experienced desire. Somewhere, deep within my being, was a desire to create. The best part of all of this, is that I haven’t truly realised this until RIGHT NOW. Literally. Here I am, in a coffee shop, here in Vancouver, with the pure intention of answering emails and getting some work done (and editing done) and I suddenly realised it. There is a plan for me. Something up and out there is creating all of this. I am here for the ride.
Here I sit (at the coffee shop) holding a book. A beautiful book. My book. The book that I created. After years of feeling desire, witnessing envy and tapping into creativity- I have a book. And suddenly I realise that all of the books and ebooks that I have been in the presence of for the past 3+ years (perhaps my whole life) have been small gifts of inspiration and motivation. Reminders to keep moving, to keep writing and to follow my heart. Because we are all here to create. We are all here to add to the human experience, the human conversation and the universal language of this life.
To be honest, I haven’t truly been able to sit with my book until just now. I sit here, holding it, flipping through the pages, breathing in the light and soaking in the love- and I realise that it isn’t even my book, it is just a book. My body, my life, my spirit was merely the channel through which this book came into reality. To share wisdom, to inspire vulnerability and to strengthen the universal conversation.
Lately, I continue to get hit with these thoughts and feelings. I am here to inspire conscious conversation. I am here to push the limits, open up the barriers and support the universal shift of consciousness. In the least narcissistic way possible- I know why I am here. I am here for something much, much greater than just myself. I am here for much more than to be pretty, to have a beach body, to make money, to be known in a global community. I am here to be more than a friend, a wife (ahh, 3 weeks), a mother, a daughter or a sister. I am here for more than the simple pleasures of the human experience. I am here for more than the temporary pains of the human life.
And here is the kicker, so are you.
I am so sensitive. Like, seriously sensitive. I feel everything, intensely. When I am happy, I’m so happy. When I am tired, I am so tired. I always go through these moments of wondering why I am the way that I am. Last week, I was having a conversation with some fellow entrepreneurs and they mentioned how they never get tired or want to take a day off. This came literally right after I mentioned that I needed some days off. Of course, being a human being, I fell into comparison and started to wonder if I have what it takes. What if I am not meant to do this? What if I am wasting my life trying to do something that is just not meant to be? The answer: I am here, doing this. That is all that matters. Questioning what you are doing, while you are doing- is only helpful to witness that you are human and have an ego. Because you are here and you are doing it. Part of being alive means experiencing fear when you are in a space of unknown.
My ability to feel things is a gift. It allows me to tap into what I am doing and where I am- and feel it. It allows me to express it. It is my gift. Fighting just makes it painful. Embracing it allows it to shine within me. It brings flow. What am I saying? Embrace your gifts. What sets you apart? What makes you feel different? What about you do you compare to others? Love it. Hold it. and let it be.
Are you writing a book and wondering why you are doing such an outlandish and crazy task? Are you meant to be writing a book? The answer: of course you are. If you feel like writing, write. Don’t write with a purpose. Write with no purpose. I promise that one day, perhaps days/weeks/months/years after publishing your book- you will realise what the purpose was. The same goes for everything in life.
We all go through these moments of wondering why we are doing what we are doing?
And then there comes the time when we do something risky, scary and slightly crazy… and the point comes where we wonder what the hell is wrong with us? Why did we decide to take this unpaved path when there is little (or perhaps no) reward? What is wrong with us?
The important thing is to appreciate the middle of the story. We, as a society, are so focused on the beginning and the end- that we forget about the good stuff. The magic happens in the less-than-romantic middle moments (Tori- if you’re reading this, thanks for the reminder). Those moments that you don’t always remember first. There is a lot of beauty in the average moments of life. Do you feel like you have fallen off your track lately? Eating the wrong foods, drinking the wrong drinks, not sleeping, telling lies, spending time with disagreeable people? That’s ok.
There is no such thing as the perfect person. There is no such thing as the perfect book. Part of the beauty of life is the imperfection that takes place when we let things be what and who they are. When we let go of control, take a step back, and let a deeper and foundational power take over. This truth relates to everything in life, whether it’s a creative project, a job hunt, a relationship or just getting through a challenging day. Challenges are here to keep us on our toes, to keep us in awareness. I’ll never forget a truth I was told growing up whenever I would come home to my Mum, complaining about a friend, boy or fellow student who just seemed to have the perfect life. They were smart, beautiful, popular, athletic…all of the things that you would kill for as a child/adolescent. My Mum would always say, “there is no such thing as a perfect person and if someone’s life is that easy then chances are they are pretty boring.” Turns out, it was always try. The ups and downs are what create colour- they are the building blocks to shades in your life, the stories and the shifts that bring you into wisdom and truth.
I don’t really know how I wrote my book. I don’t know how it got finished. and right now, I don’t know how it will get shared with the masses. I don’t know how people in different countries will hold it. And if they will love it. But I’m starting to realise that it actually is not my business. I wrote it. It is here. And it is ready to be shared. So I am going to do what I do best, and tap into intuition. That is where the answers lie. That is where the meetings come from. And the universe will show me the way. If it is meant to be shared with the masses, it will be.
To be honest with you, I am not COMPLETELY sure why I am writing this. Like I said, I came here, to this coffee shop, to sit at my favourite chair and get some work done. And here I am, writing this manifesto to you. For you. And for me. The coincidence of it all is this is the same cafe that I came to when I started Chloe’s Countertop and wrote the first of many blog posts, 3 years ago. This is where I first started tapping into my intuition and letting things move through me.
And that is my truth, today.
To finish this off- I share this with you:
Trust the signs and signals in your life. Go to meetings that you are feeling drawn to. Have the conversations that you are feeling inspired by. Travel. Take risks. Trust your gut. Be curious. Ask questions.
And most of all: be patient. You may not know why you are doing, right now. It may seem crazy. People may not understand it. Usually, they wont. That’s ok. There is reason behind intention and light behind intuition.
Would you like to grab the digital copy of my book? You can buy your copy here now!
The paper-back version will be available soon and I plan to open pre-sales online in the next two weeks.
Also, speaking of Conscious Conversations- my podcast, Conscious Conversations with Chloe Elgar has launched and is on episode 4! Head here to listen and subscribe to my iTunes channel here.
Last but not least, a HUGE thank you to everyone below who supported me in the book launch party. Thank you for all of your incredible contributions. And thank you EVERYONE who came and added to the love. So grateful. I love you.
My lovely IHN Volunteers
Emilie Nagahama (Web Design) Creative Ritual
Thank you. I love you.
Ps. Do you want a paper-back copy of my book? Help me figure out what is in highest demand and if you have your copy- let me know what you think. xo
P.P.S if you pre-ordered a paper back copy at the launch event- I will let you know as soon as they are ready for pick up at IHN Vancouver through FB or email. Stay tuned!